Freeing Yourself From Disempowering Relationships

By Jessie Shier

This article and images is copyrighted internationally, Jessie Shier BSc, 2016, all rights reserved© .



Cultures and societies have often raised men and women to take on certain roles as adults which cause them to be dependent on one another. For example, the idea that housework and cooking is time-consuming and complicated and that only women are naturally able to do these chores in an effective way. This is a very insidious way to trap people in disempowering and unhappy relationships, if they feel that they cannot understand how to organise and take care of themselves alone. It also causes men to seek out relationships in the first place simply because they do not know how to live independently. This creates a situation where both people are getting involved in a relationship that is based on need rather than genuine feeling, setting up dependency, and creating the psychologically and emotionally damaging situation whereby partners feel used. This is because the relationship is based on fulfilling basic needs. Basic needs that each individual adult is capable of fulfilling by themselves.

Relationships should happen naturally, based on mutual attraction and mutual interests, and a natural feeling of joy when being together. If these things are missing, then question your motives for being there.

Let’s start our adult lives from a higher, better place, by learning to be self-sufficient first. Then responding to your deeper feelings and desires about other people, discerning how you really feel around someone and whether they are actually right for you, rather than getting involved because of an unmet need.

This will lead to relationships that are based on genuine feeling, and therefore have the potential to be happier, more empowering and more positive. This will put to an end those relationships that become toxic because they are based on domestic/physical needs and overlook incompatibilities to honour culture/tradition/duty.

This frees human beings from toxic ties that prevent soul growth and learning. Being able to take care of our own basic needs allows us to be independent and to start from a better place so that we are more able to achieve happiness in the future.

This empowered position, where we feel more in control of our lives because we can look after ourselves in a basic way, allows us to feel more confident and able to be honest with ourselves and make clear decisions for our lives based on that self-honesty. It frees us from the emotional trap of obligation which prevents honest decision-making.

When we feel more in control of our lives, we are inclined to be kinder and look further, broadening our horizons and developing ourselves. Dependency inhibits growth because it leads people to attempt to control the other because they feel they need them and are therefore afraid of not having those needs met.

In today’s world, it is possible for us to provide for ourselves and look after ourselves in the most necessary-for-life, basic way. From there, we can move forward to find satisfying, genuinely fulfilling relationships and occupations where we can satisfy higher needs.

Satisfaction and empowerment – it’s better to be alone than disempowered. Then you can rebuild your power. Jessie Shier BSc ©