Sometimes it is so hard, when we become depressed, losing the will to live, or feeling despair, a loss of hope. How can you go on? There seems like no future. Know that there is a reason.
Take it tiny step at a time. Minute by minute. Make a drink of water, or a cup of tea. Sit down and drink it. Don’t worry about what after. Just do that for the moment. Task by task. One tiny thing at a time. Be easy on yourself, don’t compare to others, don’t measure yourself by others. You don’t have to be doing things right now. If you’re feeling like this, then what you need to be doing is paying attention to your feelings. To yourself.
Be present with the feelings and take it one minute, one tiny task, at a time. In this way you are supporting yourself through it bit by bit. Supporting yourself at the deepest level. Building your own self-esteem by being there for yourself. This is truely self-empowering. Your heartbreak will lead to your improvement!
No more self-abandonment. Other people maybe couldn’t be relied on. But you can rely on yourself. Be there for yourself. Allow yourself to grieve.
If you feel depressed, despair, sadness, loss of hope – then there is something in you that needs to grieve. Give yourself time to grieve, even if you don’t know what you’re grieving for. Sometimes we’ve buried it, forgotten, but it stays in our emotional body and drags us down. So be with yourself, and go through the emotions, supporting and being there by taking it step by step as you are ready. Don’t force yourself to do anything, don’t force yourself to please others. This is being there for you, to take you through the process. Listen to yourself.
If you’re a bit hungry, eat. But don’t force yourself, do what feels ok. When you need to eat, you’ll feel the need and you’ll respond because you’re supporting yourself, giving yourself emotional love and care.
No need to rush through the steps or chastise yourself because the progress isn’t fast enough, or measuring up to timescales whether yours or someone else’s. Your being needs to go through it. Allow it.
You will come out the other side, feeling better bit by bit. You may seem to go back sometimes, wake up feeling better then start crying again, go down again. It’s ok. It’s normal. You are moving forward. This is lifetime of self abandonment and neglect, that we have all done. We all need this healing. But some of us need so much more, because not enough was provided, or abuse or neglect was experienced. Or other things. Other people can help, but they are not always there and sometimes some of us are completely alone. Even if people are there, they can’t reach, can’t help or understand. Or it’s not appropriate.
It is always possible and always appropriate to help yourself, reach yourself. By allowing yourself, giving yourself permission, to feel what you feel. And go through it. Supporting yourself and responding to yourself.
Eventually, when you do come out the other side, you will emerge as a butterfly. More confident, feeling more healthy, more able to move forwards. You will be ok.
When You’re Experiencing Heartbreak
Don’t force yourself to go out, socialise and fill your time with things. Do what you feel you need to do. If what you feel like doing is staying in and crying, then do it. Anything else is superficial. The grieving process is individual and you have to allow yourself to go through it, to be able to emerge afterward and carry on. If you try to deny it and focus outwards, it is still there within you and will re-emerge at some later time. Sometimes as depression, anxiety, or dysfunctional relationships as you try to subconsciously recreate it so that you can grieve it.
Better to grieve it now. Then you can move on.
No need to tell yourself negative things. It’s dishonest anyway. The process of turning away from someone who has hurt you will happen naturally. No need to force it. You are grieving, allow yourself to feel what you feel. Anger, sadness, betrayal, disappointment, despair.
Bit by bit you can feel a tiny bit better by allowing yourself to acknowledge what you feel. Truthfully. It’s ok to feel hatred and rage when you’ve been hurt or feel taken advantage of. It’s natural. Acknowledge it, allow yourself to feel it, don’t hold on to the feeling just feel it while it’s there, then allow it to pass as your thoughts move on. You will never stay in one place in your emotions like that, as you acknowledge each one it will pass.
It is denial that strengthens these things, leading to emotional illness.
Like watching a film, allow each feeling to come, experience it, and go. Don’t hold on. You cannot just observe without feeling it, though. It you find yourself observing the feelings and trying to release them without experiencing them, you are fostering detachment or disassociation which can bring consequences later, so it is important to allow yourself to feel what you feel without suppressing or denial, without removal of yourself. Without distraction. When a feeling comes, pay attention. Look within. Feel it. Walk through. Let it pass. As e-motions do, energy in motion. It is when it gets stuck that it feels so bad. Let it move by letting yourself feel it and then letting it go as it goes naturally.
It will take time, but little bit by little bit, if you listen to and support yourself like this, you will feel better. And you will get stronger.
And in the end you can pick yourself up and carry on into your future. Into the life you came here to live.
When someone has hurt us deeply, it is natural that we turn away from them. We may be able to forgive eventually, but the hurt is in your memory. It happened and it must be acknowledged. Allow yourself to come away naturally from someone who hurt you by going through the process of the mixed feelings, of grieving the loss of someone who maybe meant something to you. You cannot get over it without acknowledging what you’re getting over. So you need to grieve the loss.
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